Autism Conference:

My husband and I attended the Autism Conference on Sat. Aug. 8. This was my first real reach out to meet other parents with ASD kids. I was hoping to connect. I knew I wasn't the only mother living out there completely struggling with issues that differ than other mothers. We arrived at 8am ate breakfast. I ran into someone I knew there which was good for me...  The turn out in my mind was fairly poor I was thinking the room would be packed...it wasn't. Our first speaker was a man Im very familiar with named Matt Townsend he was EXCELLENT. He does not have a child with ASD but he helped me to understand that attitude, character, and commitment all coincide. He made me laugh a ton and even cry. I brought home a few great pages worth of notes and goals. We then ate lunch and talked. We visited a few vendors that were there, and we both purchased stainless steel rings that are cut into puzzle pieces (mine is 2 pieces Jared's is 3). The puzzle is the "logo" for Autism. After lunch we had a few ladies speak about their experiences with an ASD child. I laughed,and sobbed...it was EXTREMELY emotional for me. My son was diagnosed 4 years ago,I didn't realize it would still be so deeply hard. The conference put together a slide show of some funny antics that kids with ASD pull... it was VERY relatable. Jared and I were fairly overwhelmed after the conference was over....we just have a lot on our plate and YES it helps to know others out there understand but it is sooooo tough daily. One speaker struck me so deeply I wrote her a thank you letter. She was REAL in her words...she said: "if there was a cure or even some MAGIC that would FIX or turn my son to "normal" I would be there...I'm not the parent that will say this is him and I'm ok with that... I would change it if I could. It affects our entire family." I cried and cried...as tears well up even now... I think of how unfair it is to my older son who lives with his brother with ASD whom we treat differently....(picking and choosing certain battles over others) Since the conference ended my emotions have fluctuated to laughter, tears, and sudden anger, it has exhausted me completely. Gabe is a beautiful boy and his innocence is heart warming. I don't completely know what the future holds for him, I won't know if he can live on his own, hold a job, get a girlfriend, have close friendships....all I can hope for more than anything is for him to be HAPPY. It is sad that insurance doesn't cover anything to do with ASD...Im not wealthy so many of the therapy's that could be useful we don't do because of finances. I met couples that took 2nd and 3rd mortgages out on their homes with just SMALL glimpses of improvement.... parents who's marriages are dying and families that are falling apart. All marriages take effort but in a recent study parents with a child with ASD have a 80% chance of divorce rate. Im working my butt off to be that 20%, Im working to be involved, loving, compassionate, a person with good character. Not one minute goes by that I don't feel like it's a fight to give up and brake down. EVERY day since the Nemo movie came out I sing to myself: "just keep swimming, just keep swimming...." and Im still here. Still committed. Still Gabe's voice. When asking the questions of why me...the answer was why not?!