A night of great food and great weather~

So I decided to make a fabulous dinner of pasta. It had a light base of white wine, chicken stalk, garlic, red onion, lemon/lime juice. It was delicious. I topped it with nutritional yeast to add a nutty/cheesy flavor.... and then to make it perfect I added roasted pine nuts. I could have made this with chicken or tempeh but decided not to tonight. The arugula was a great choice. The boys ate it up and so did Jared and I. As a side dish we had yams. Wow Im full. Im happy we decided to drink the rest of the bottle of opened vino to make our night more peaceful. :)

Me in the kitchen pouring a glass of vino~

Awwww cheers at last!!! Time to enjoy the dinner and wine after cooking away~

My creations:

Here Im making our homemade delicious yogurt. I started making our own organic yogurt almost a year ago. It has been really fun and tastes delicious w/out having ingredients that are unknown or unhealthy. It's REALLY easy and I can add whatever fruit/jam/flavoring I desire. My kids eat it up!! Add my favorite homemade granola and fresh raspberries from our yard and we are in dreamland~

Here Im starting a new hobby of sprouting. I have been reading a lot and again using top seeds that are organic, raw, and meant for sprouting. Adding these to a salad, pastas, or breads can be fun and has a TON of health benefits. There are numerous ways to sprout, I have sprouting jars, trays, and 100% organic hemp bags. Each seed requires it's own "way". I love my new hobby and since it is about food Im in heaven..... :)


Here are my Radish sprouts they are quite hot in flavor and add a punch to our salads. It's crazy that 2 tbs. of seeds can yield such a great amount of sprouts. I have lots of recipes for all different types of sprouts. I also did pumpkin seed sprouts. I do 2-3 at a time and follow the strict instructions. The last thing I want is mold or my seeds to drowned. It isn't time consuming at all thankfully. I still have reading to do as each seed has it's own time and way to do things.

Julia/Agent session 1

This is my very first session with an agent. I want to clarify that have only used a mic in my life maybe 3x ever... So I didn't feel natural at all. I have a very strong, loud voice and I usually didn't need a mic. I only performed in church on very rare occasion. I chose not to try out for any high school choirs until one day the choir teacher had me in his office and for a assignment we had to sing to him, I did that and he asked why I didn't try out I told him I had severe stage fright and couldn't imagine singing in front of a large audience by myself. He let me join the concert choir and said it was too late for madrigals. I was honored he thought I sounded good enough to be in a HS choir. I get extremely nauseated before I sing and I almost threw up during my session with Julia. This is by far not the best vocal that I am capable of but it is what it is.... One day I truly hope to fulfill my dream and sing with a small lil band that respects and loves all music.

Julia/Agent session 2

This was the 2nd session I had with Julia. I didn't have the songs well memorized as that is a very difficult task for me to do. I was extremely nervous and didn't perform at my best, not even close... I cried on the song: Baby Mine, all I could think of was my son Gabe who struggles with Autism. He enjoys me singing to him very much and although he doesn't understand all the lyrics my hopes are that one day he will.... Sadly I never went back to the studio. I didn't enjoy singing to minus tracks. I really want a live band. I want to do it my way or no way at all. I like to be simple and true to myself in the way of music.

My 10 ladies~

My ladies chillaxin in their run~

My pretty Rhode Island Red. She isn't shy and really likes to see what Im up to.

The girls checkin out their new digs. The nesting boxes are closed off for another 2 weeks and we will open them up closer to the time they lay eggs. It is wise to close them up at night so they don't sleep in their nesting boxes. The goal is to keep our nesting boxes as clean as possible therefore when time comes we'll have cleaner eggs~

We did end up naming all of our hens. Here it goes:

1. Leghorn: Big Bertha, she was the biggest chick than all the others in the very beginning. She is taller and fuller than the other Leghorn.

2. Leghorn: Pearl, she is just cute and petite and a white lil present!

3. Rhode Island Red: Rosie, is our biggest RIR and she is what I call my obese bird. LOL I named her after the comedian and ex talk show host. I do love Rosie so it's all good.

4. Rhode Island Red: Ruby, she is redder than the other 2 RIR and we liked her lil personality.

5. Rhode Island Red: Runt, self explanatory smallest of all the hens and still is petite... we didn't honestly think she would make it b/c of how tiny she was especially compared to her bread. I can tell them apart only when all the RIR are around to compare.

6. Golden Sex Link: Nugget, she is the perfect golden color. We laughed cuz there are golden nuggets like the $$ kind, and the nuggets that are golden that we eat... HAHAHA double funny but she is really the most hilarious bird. She LOVES food and happily awaits me in the mornings to come and feed her. She seems a lil higher on the pecking order and can sometimes be a mean bully which bugs me to watch her peck or steal food from her "friends." She makes the weirdest sounds and they make me giggle... I wonder what she is saying as she "talks" to me every day.

7. Golden Sex Link: Sadie, has a redder colored head and I thought a cute named for a red head was Sadie... she just has a deeper golden color with those hints of red and she is quite pretty.

8. Ameraucana: Diamond, as chicks these hens are SO awesome looking they look a lot like chipmunks. She was named that b/c she had a perfect dark black diamond shape on her head she was my favorite to hold and I was in awe of how pretty of a chic she was.

9. Ameraucana: Dot, she was multi-colored but only had 1 lil tiny black dot on her head. Now almost full grown her dot is gone and filled in with red/golden feathers.

10. Ameraucana: Spots, she had a ton of black spots all over her head, now they have grown a bit so they are more like speckles.

So far my Leghorns are very shy. With lots of coaxing they will come and eat from my hand but it takes awhile to get them over to me.

My Ameraucana's are CRAZY they are really fast hens. Diamond's looks have changed the most and she is just bitchy and ALWAYS has been, she acts like a total diva. They haven't loved to be held and are quite hard for me to catch. Their coloring is amazing and I can spend a long time just looking at their unique coloring.

My Rhode Island Reds have been quite interested in me and why Im there what Im doing and will follow me around the coop. They are curious when I hand feed them and they bite my thumbs a lot... Im wondering if they think Im a lil worm... hahaha

Golden Sex Links are curious and love love love food. They seem impatient and will hop in the bowls and watering trays just to be first to see what Im bringing them and get the goods before all other hens.

This is how I perceive my hens. It may be different for other hen owners. I really love watching and learning about my lil ladies. We don't plan on butchering our egg layers. Next year we are going to be purchasing many meat birds and will slaughter them ourselves. It will be a learning experience to say the least and I likely won't want the meat for days...so off in the freezer and then into the oven. Hopefully that will give me enough time to get over the A-Z process. Im excited to know that my eggs are coming from a great source, my hens are VERY cared for. I raised them from just 2 days old to full grown ladies and I love knowing how they're treated and their exact diets. I never feed them meat or egg shells. I never feed them rotten/spoiled foods either. They are on a great diet of grains and all organic foods we eat, no wasting ever.....we give whatever to them. I find it so funny that they love my boys' left over cereal with milk they get all giddy and it is great to see them happy. My hens are very loved and I hope to be a good "momma" to them as long as possible.

The possible MAX output of eggs is:

Leghorns: 1 white egg a day: (x2 hens)=14 a week

Golden Sex Links: 1 cream egg per day: (2 hens)= 14 a week

Ameraucanas: 1 -3 blue or green eggs a week: (3 hens)=9 a week

Rhode Island Reds: 1 brown egg per day: (3 hens)=21 a week

TOTAL MAXIMUM YIELD OF EGGS A WEEK=58 eggs

This should be quite fun and a great new hobby for me... one that Im LOVING so far. They are my lil pets and they make me happy.

She-wolf

a lonely wolf sits on a mountain top

she was once the leader of her powerful pack,

cared for by the most powerful male, other bitches snarled and let her know of all her inadequacies.

a roaming caretaker...

she eyes the trees tip top branches as they sit silhouetted against the expansive skies.

she feels far beneath the moon

far....far down, alone from her pack, not lost, nor found,

solitary~

the bitch closes her eyes and birds sing their midnight songs

she opens her eyes to the moons perfect smile

with a nod of respect she thanks Luna for her bit of white light

so many a time she finds ease in seeing only the bleak blank canvas of the forest

what is not black is not white

what is gray is the path less traveled

continuing to roam...

she lives with no walls,

little consequences,

ample time to wander

where she goes next she may never know

and all she can hope for is a place in another's heart,

to be unconditionally loved, and respected, and known~

and on her journey she learns that caring for herself is all she needs

she's damned if she relies on others.

may her space of time be filled with the joy of loving the bitch that she is~

quite possibly the best~

i admire the moments of being engulfed within my husband's arms during the long hours of the blackened nights, i hear his thump thump thumping of his slow heart beat and i know where im welcomed and safe. his skin and my skin touch and immediately we are as one being. as my eyes look upon him im filled with joy as he slumbers peacefully. i wonder if im in a dreamland and it's hard to convince myself to fall asleep.....no dream can top this...all that which is within my arms, touching my skin, breathing my breath, kissing my lips, sharing our endless stories, talking til no end... Many times i have pondered why me? Many times i have wept with feeling inadequate. and when he goes away to work for days and days im reminded minute by minute that he really does complete me and without him im only half what i could be and with him im bigger and brighter and better than any human can make me feel. he is my better half.... he is all that i lack and the team we make is priceless and perfection. we have been hand and hand for 11 years and i hope to make it endless years, minutes... and i will treasure the time i have with my companion. though our trials be not easy with a special needs child.... i wouldn't trade my partner for anything, for anyone... he is my all and honestly i can't be more proud of who he is. thank you Jared for being you and thank you for loving me. I love you forever and always... promise promise~

Hide and Seek~

amongst the chaos that is within my being i sought to find beauty. it took only steps out my front door~
i have found the most beautiful man in the world. as these two flowers bloom and unfold so do our hearts as the minutes go by wether near or far. a pair is a beautifu thing.
pink makes me smile

within nature there is often a blur, it only validates the imperfections of humanity.

life is always in motion~

Busy days:

This is our hen house and coop that we built. We did it as cost affective as possible. It was a bigger undertaking than I thought it would be but it looks great and will be a great home for our egg laying hens. The handled door allows us to get the eggs from their nesting boxes from the outside. This other pic is of the inside nest boxes soon our hens will be in there laying eggs for us!! It has been quite cold here so this took more weekends than I wanted it to take but it is 95% done and I can say Im very proud of Jared and his many talents. Our bro in law Ian helped with it as well. Props to the men for the manly digging and building... I have props for making it look somewhat "cute." Rabbit wire had to be dug down 12" around the whole perimeter to make our hens safe from animals digging in and eating the birds. We really wanted the hen house to be safe and work long term. Im sure we will learn things the hard way but for our first build we know this will suffice.

In February we were happy to adopt our furry friend named Jack Black. He is a dwarf bunny and is very well behaved. The boys handle him all the time. He bit Zoa once when Zoa put on a bunny vest that pinched his fur and skin. I would say the bunny was justified and Zoa held no resentment. He loves his veggies and his hay. Im his favorite and he comes to me when I call him by name. He has been a great addition to our family.

Here is a pic of our chicks. They are just the cutest lil things when you first get them. We got 10 of them in February. Now they are gangly "teenagers" they have their full wings and fly around here and there. They just look a little awkward, pics coming soon of how silly they look. We purchased 4 different breeds and named them all. As they grow up to they are harder to tell apart and know who is who but we still know when we look closely. The different breeds all have their own unique personalities. I hope they start laying eggs for us in late July...but it could be much later. It has been fun adding pets to our family. The boys are gaining so much knowledge and that is priceless. :)

Chronic~

Bloody hell my back is NOT well...

I haven't slept much in a few days...

Im completely overwhelmed and ready to scream... shout...cry...

I would do whatever works at this point...

I have prayed

I have been zen

I have ignored it

I have seen orthopedic specialists & chiropractors,

I have had the deepest tissue massage that one can imagine (Rolfing)

I have had countless needles poked into me (acupuncture)

I have had a spinal steroid injection

I have endured a 38 min. MRI (Buried alive type experience ICK: Claustrophobic!)

I have cried

I have yelled

I have been mean

I have sworn

I have showered, bathed, sauna'd, sweated, shivered, iced/hot packed...

I have thrown things

I have taken countless medications and given them a true shot...

I have blamed myself and others

I have worked out (yoga, swimming, stretching, running, biking, and more)

I have sat and waited....

Today Im out of words, out of energy, out of ideas... I don't want chronic back pain to win me over....

I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!

I want to see even a glimpse of light at the end of my tunnel....