A letter to my mother wherever her soul may be~
June 15, 1993 5:40pm You passed away~
I can't remember your laugh. I have tried to play your voice in my head over and over and all I can hear is sadness. How I wish I could remember your smell, every mother has a perfect smell to their child. I remember your eyes, such beautiful blue oceans.... I remember your petite frame and how other women would look at you with envy, an envy that you never recognized. It doesn't take much to recall the way you cried....oh the sobbing hardships you were faced with were evident to me as a young girl. You sang mom, I remember in church on Sunday's I would purposely sit on your lap to listen to you sing, I would lay my head on your chest and remember feeling each breath you took to sing the next line of hymns. You ironed, did many loads of laundry, cooked all the time, watched 1 soap opera a day, and enjoyed your visit with the avon lady. I recall your break time was sitting in a bath full of bubbles....I annoyed you a lil as I wanted to be your company.... I remember those lil quiet times with just you and I talking about nothing really.... Aqua-Net....how could I forget hair spray was a main staple in our home....and HOT curling irons...you seemed obsessed about your hair. Fashion was your middle name... I always thought you were leaps ahead of the other women...you had a fun sense of style. What I will never know:
what was your favorite food, who inspired you, how did you feel during your pregnancies, what did you think the seconds after I was born, why did you choose dad, why did you love the color peach so much, who was your favorite actor/actress, what song made you cry, if you woulda had a million dollars what would you have done with it all....what would you think of my husband, my children, of the way I mother my sons....
How I wish I had answers......
What I can say to you.... Mom you did your best, I know that through and through. You had a rough life..... I will always love you. You taught me love and empathy. I now know why you were in some of the darkest places of your life.... I rarely recall saying thank you to you for even the littlest things... for even the enormous things. My hopes are that my children will know of you by seeing something inside me that I learned from you! Missing you daily....
Thank you for the gift of you....
Please visit in my dreams again soon, it's been too long!
Love,
tiffy aka punkin
