Chronic~

Bloody hell my back is NOT well...

I haven't slept much in a few days...

Im completely overwhelmed and ready to scream... shout...cry...

I would do whatever works at this point...

I have prayed

I have been zen

I have ignored it

I have seen orthopedic specialists & chiropractors,

I have had the deepest tissue massage that one can imagine (Rolfing)

I have had countless needles poked into me (acupuncture)

I have had a spinal steroid injection

I have endured a 38 min. MRI (Buried alive type experience ICK: Claustrophobic!)

I have cried

I have yelled

I have been mean

I have sworn

I have showered, bathed, sauna'd, sweated, shivered, iced/hot packed...

I have thrown things

I have taken countless medications and given them a true shot...

I have blamed myself and others

I have worked out (yoga, swimming, stretching, running, biking, and more)

I have sat and waited....

Today Im out of words, out of energy, out of ideas... I don't want chronic back pain to win me over....

I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!

I want to see even a glimpse of light at the end of my tunnel....

Intervention:

well im just a shitty and im just a bitty old whore

throw me on the dark streets

gimme all you got i knows what it is you wants

you're a dark deviled snake

puttin pills in me pockets

doin' what was prescribed

don't matta anyhow got me fuckin face down to die

cuz im just a junky

face in the gutter....doin all i gots ta do

get me all cleaned out puking my guts up

liver's lying on the floor

hearts beatin real fast, sweats drenchin me back, shivers runnin down me spine

I CAN'T EVEN TAKE IT

WON'T EVER MAKE IT

just gimme a fuckin line

mind is goin TOO fast

GO pick up all that pharmacy gots~

NO! and YES!! and shut the FUCK UP!!

close the door cuz you suck

don't bother lookin in the mirror

Seein that shitty old bitty old fuckin whore

face down on the damn cold ceramic floor

can't it be another day

wanna sleep my life away

wake up when it's over PLEASE

Never wanted to be that girl!

holdin out real strong

CLEANIN' and soberin' up

din't mean to be so FUCKED

apologies are over done

No worries...

I havin ZERO fun

tick

tock

goes my

clock

one more minute down

and ONE minute to go. . . . . .

eternity never seemed so slow...

livin in the here and now

this bitch won't take a bow

other than to puke it up in my pirrty shit stained throne

glory glory be to me

fuck that shit

it's got to be

the worst damned thang ~

was it was just a dream?

WAKE up

wake up WAKE up

tick

tock

goes

my

clock.. . . .. ... ..... .. .. ..