It has been 6 long weeks of us not having any television. We were addicted to the t.v. and cable channels. When we decided to shut it all off and mail back the cable box we knew this meant.... FOREVER!! Truth be told is hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be only because we've enjoyed the good outdoors. However, now that summer is winding down and the kids start school they are BORED to death and we have done everything under the sun. Im exhausted and not willing to take them to the variety of places to fight crowds: zoo, museums, downtown, and lagoon. Since I have a back injury (which will never get better) it takes a lot for me to suck it up and drive 30 min anywhere then walk miles and miles following my kids.... I've done it all summer and this last week Im kinda feeling done. Is that horrible? Unlike most mothers' Im feeling quite excited for my kids to go to school starting next Monday. As always Im worried about Gabe (my youngest with Autism) and hoping that he'll adjust well and that we have a great teacher for him. For my son Zoa I know he'll do great, he loves school and all the social aspects of it. I am rather worried on bullying and if Zoa will get picked on for being so short and skinny. He is not growing as I wish he would and Im trying my best to get him to eat as many calories a day. Sadly his medication makes him not have much of an appetite. Im feeling a bit lonely and sad that Jared has a TON of work to be doing the next 5 months. I was hoping to have some alone time with him once a week while the kids were at school. We had hopes to go climbing, out to eat, having coffee, chatting or whatever.... The last 7 days I feel like my brain has been completely full and my emotions have been all over the place. With the time it takes to own a home, be a mother of 2 kids (one with very special needs), and a wife it is extremely hard to devote my time to good friendships. Im feeling like I lack a close friend to talk to and have a little time with once in a great while. I can definitely say Im not the "best friend" someone would want around since my time is so limited and my family comes first. My work comes second and that has also been demanding for me. The last few births I did were extremely difficult. I decided to talk to Becky at The Birth Center in Murray to see if she needed another "on call birth support person." Thankfully she said she did and I get to be on board with her and the team, what a dream that is for me. Im happy that I will be doing births at just the 1 center and not all over the valley. Im feeling torn that I won't be working full time and with the kind of work I do.... you never know how much money (month to month) I'll be bringing home. When I'm not working I hope to be reading. I have so many books to get to, it is quite overwhelming. There are 15 alone on Gabe's diagnoses and ways to help him and understand more fully his needs. Then there are birth books that I really want to get started on. In the next month or two I will be starting a phlebotomy class. I hope to go into home birth midwifery one day but am not jumping in too fast as my kids are too young. Once my boys start junior high I hope to be close to getting my CPM. Life has thrown many curve balls my way... many of which have hit me smack in the face. Lately I've been wishing I could have another baby and knowing that won't be possible is rather difficult for me. I must admit Im extremely nervous for the next few months.... all the unknown is scary. I want to be the best mom and wife I can be first and foremost whatever comes after that is minor. I hope to take some burden off of Jared and all he does for our family. Since we've had chickens this year we have been selling some of our eggs and it comes close to paying fully for what we spend on their food and supplies. The boys have been enjoying the hens and egg finding. I hope the hens do well this winter. The garden has been keeping me extremely busy. We canned 100+jars of apricots, did fruit leather, 25 jars of apricot jam and more. We also are trying apricot wine, we hear it is divine!! We are crossing our fingers ours works and are excited to bottle it soon and try it in about 10 months. :) My garden has yielded some great veggies and soon my grapes will be ready to harvest. Im not ready for winter to come yet... :( Since I have winter blues I bought me some snow shoes and hope to be more physically active than any other winters past. Truth be told in my life I don't have many answers. I know that I try to be a good mother and wife. I know that I have put time towards other things that aren't important. I know that Im nervous for any educational experiences that come my way only because I don't learn as fast as others do. I know I love my husband and hope we can become stronger each and everyday. I know that my life will be full of laughter, smiles, tears, sorrow, and happiness if I follow what I know to be right and true for me. I owe my husband everything he brings me such great joy and pleasure. He is my foundation and truly he makes me a better woman in all things. I hope to keep going and doing and being the BEST in all I do and say. There are just a few things I do know and those are all I can focus on and smile about..... other than that I just gotta keep on keeping on~
