OPEN PONDER:

I am trying to keep my eyes opened to the next few steps that the road is paving for me....I have many decisions to make!!!

              TO NAME A FEW:

1. I am faced with a hard decision with

 my son Gabe who has Autism. What step is next, which classes, schools, activities....I am his mother and nothing would please me greater than to see the crystal ball holding our future....As most mother's I question what is best for my child....I try to make decisions that are in his best interests....but I am hearing from all different directions opposing things. Shutting the door and never looking at what is in front of me/him/our family seems so much easier than just following  "mother intuition". I sit...and stare into the future with so many different choices....and making the "right" one for him is incredibly stressful. 

2. I need a break.....a vacation of sorts....I feel overwhelmed with LIFE!!

I could use a full 48 hours alone....a well deserved break. There is nothing like taking in a few breathes of fresh air and living on my own time clock. It is past due....I haven't had 48 hours to myself in 10+ years......

3. What am I going to do with myself and my boys when school gets out in 3 weeks....??? Oh MY GOD.....how time leaps ahead.....swimming, soccer, gardening, home improvements, etc...blah blah blah....*sigh

4. Do I or Do I NOT....go to school and become what I have a passion for? This is a HUGE decision.....time, money, all of that jazz....oh and hello MRS. ADHD....can I even handle

college? I have never been one that was successful at school, book work, memorization, this is another bad ass hill I have to climb. No matter what profession I choose to go into I fear failure. I don't have the choice nor time nor money to say:

"Nah, I don't want to do this!" I just can't make that twenty thousand dollar mistake! 

 5. My husband and I need a date night. Not just twice a year either....I would love to shoot for once every other month or once a month even....WOW....what would that be like? Hell, I don't even know if my husband would like me anymore.....

I think our main focus is our children and it needs to be, because they need us at this young age. Not to mention we have boys with "special needs". Real quality uninterrupted time with my husband sounds dreamy....

 My future and the choices I make affect not only me. I have to keep my eyes OPEN...THINK....LISTEN....and FOLLOW THROUGH.....(laughing my ass off) yeah...that's ALL I have to do....Cuz as I said earlier....nothing would be nicer to live in denial. 

Just CLOSE my eyes................

(knowing full well I would accomplish nothing by doing that) 

Tempting though very very tempting...